


Absolutely Safe

by Panadopolis



Category: Mother 3
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-24 23:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20714636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panadopolis/pseuds/Panadopolis
Summary: On how Porky got his Absolutely Safe Capsule.





	Absolutely Safe

With a heavy heart I closed the door to my laboratory.

I had been called away to see Master – no, just Porky, regarding a certain new project. His raspy voice echoed in my head: _“I’ve just had the most marvellous idea for an “Absolutely Safe Capsule”, and you’re going to help me… Oh, don’t be like that, you’ll _like _this one, there’s no gooey bits or anything… By absolutely safe, I mean _absolutely _one hundred percent safe. Master Porky deserves only the best, after all. And make it last forever. I trust that won’t be too difficult, Doctor?... Oh, and put a window on it. Being absolutely safe would be so dreadfully boring without a window… And if you could have it finished in – oh, I don’t know, one week – that would be wonderful. And if you can’t, well *cough* *cough* *wheeze* I’ll leave it to your imagination.” _

What was I going to do? I found myself assigned to an impossible project. There was no such thing as “absolutely safe”. It violated everything I knew about the natural laws of the universe. The very idea was absurd. Yet I would have to come up with something by the end of the week, or else face whatever terrible punishment Porky had in mind.

I heard a deadbolt slide into place. Porky had the foresight to install locks on both sides of my laboratory door. It was his way of ensuring his various projects were completed in a timely manner.

Helplessly I glanced around my laboratory. If nothing else, Porky was a generous employer. The space was five times larger than my beloved laboratory in Winters. I had access to all the most cutting-edge equipment. Money was no object. In short, it was the scientist’s dream.

Only it was a nightmare. Here was where I had created my chimera ‘prototypes’, with the successful designs outsourced to the Chimera Labs. Here was where I had researched PSI, and created devices to duplicate and counter-act it. Here was where I had supervised the commander’s reconstruction, and where I conducted his maintenance.

Here was my prison.

I sighed. It was no use putting off the inevitable. Every minute I wasted wallowing in lamentation brought me closer to Porky’s deadline.

I turned to where I started all my scientific work: the blackboard. It would be the only simple part of the project.

I grabbed the chalk and wrote:

_“ABSOLUTELY SAFE CAPSULE”_

Underneath I wrote Porky’s requirements:

_“Absolutely safe”_

_“Extended Lifespan”_

_“Window”_

I mused on the nebulous idea of “absolutely safe”. By definition, the capsule would be designed to protect the user from the outside world. That would mean it had to be completely impermeable by all substances, even air.

With that in mind, I added:

_“Indestructible exterior”_

_“Airtight”_

_“Self-contained environment”_

After another moment of consideration I added:

_“Life support system”_

That gave me a concrete set of objectives, the germ of a blueprint.

I sat down and started brainstorming.

_Indestructible exterior. _That was the main difficulty. All materials have their structural weaknesses. Nothing could be “absolutely safe”… A strong metal alloy would give me a solid foundation, at the very least. I had made some very strong chimera specimens over the years, so I could try repurposing some of their armour designs. Oh, and I had also developed chimera varieties immune to all the common forms of PSI. That would give the capsule excellent PSI-based protection.

_Extended lifespan. _The other main difficulty. I toyed with the thought of reducing the capsule’s lifespan. But no, I could not take that risk. If Porky was truly immortal as he claimed to be, he would know if I tried to cheat the lifespan. He would find a way to take revenge on me – or my descendants.

_The life-support system. _Sudden inspiration struck. I could reuse the technology from my Instant Revitalizing Device. I had already done something similar with the Phase Distorter.

_An airtight, self-contained environment. _Well, that would be easy enough. Even in my own time technology was sufficiently advanced to design such environments for space exploration.

_The window. _An afterthought as far as I was concerned, although it would also have to be made from “absolutely safe” materials.

I spent several hours struggling in this state. The requirements were simple enough, on paper. But over and over I found myself ramming into impossibilities. My mind rebelled at the thought that anything could be “absolute”, or “forever”. And some uneasy feeling was nagging me from the back of my mind…

I was interrupted by a sudden knock.

I jumped to my feet, startled by the interruption. I rarely had visitors. Was Porky summoning me again?

I unlocked the door, and a rather irritated Pigmask tossed a small sack at me. Without so much as a “Hello” he slammed the door back in my face and slid the deadbolt back in place.

I threw the sack to the floor with revulsion. Was this some dead animal Porky wanted reconstructed? But then I noticed the sack start to thrash. Whatever its contents were, they were very much alive. I could not decide if that was better or worse.

That was when I heard a small voice:

“PlEasE tO HelP. DinG.”

I reached down and undid the drawstring on the sack. Immediately five small creatures came tumbling out. They were small, peach-coloured creatures with enlarged bulbous noses and tiny toeless feet. One long fibre of hair extended from each of their heads, topped with a red ribbon.

The tiniest of smiles creased my face.

The creatures hopped around the laboratory, eagerly taking in their surroundings. They peered at the various machines and mechanical marvels, murmuring “BOinG” in admiration.

I had never expected to see such friendly, familiar faces under my tenure with Porky. But why were the Mr. Saturns here, of all places?

Then I remembered Porky’s last words to me. _“I understand one week is such a tight deadline, even for someone of your caliber. Then again, you _are_ getting pretty old in the teeth, Doctor. Spankety, spankety! *cough* *cough* *cough* *gasp* With that in mind, I’ve arranged some assistants for you. A small token of appreciation from your master! After all, I’m such a kind and generous soul. Don’t you agree, Doctor? Oh, do say yes.”_

I had wondered, and dreaded, what Porky meant by “assistants”. My first thought was that he had hired some of my colleagues from the Chimera Lab. Callous and cruel, they were almost more appalling than the twisted creations they brought to life.

But clearly these Mr. Saturns were intended to be my assistants. They were perfect for the job. They were earnest and hard-working, with a talent for sciences light-years beyond my own comprehension… and were far too innocent to contemplate the motivations behind such a device.

My fists trembled with anger. The Mr. Saturns were just another game piece to Porky. He had taken my allies, these wide-eyed innocents, and turned them into something for me to exploit and discard. And he wanted me to _thank_ him for the privilege.

No, I would not. I was a mere pawn to his king, but I would never accept him as my _master_.

Something bumped into my shoe, and I glanced down.

A Mr. Saturn peered back at me, beady eyes wide in curiosity. “mAnTis?” it asked quietly.

I tried not to smile. “I’m afraid not a mantis. I am a scientist by the name of Dr. Andonuts. Perhaps we have met before?”

“HmM… nO. OnlY mR. satUrn fOR lOnG lOnG time. OnE Day maNtiS Came. CatCHeD. wE aRE CatCHeD lOts. DaKOta.”

It occurred to me these were unlikely to be the same Mr. Saturns I knew from my own time. For one, they showed no sign of recognizing me. For another, their speech pattern was more erratic and confusing.

I cleared my throat. The Mr. Saturns turned to face me.

“I am Doctor Andonuts,” I said. “You have been… “catched” to help me work on a very important project. Together, we are going to build something.”

“BOinG! wE aRE GoOD!” one of the Mr. Saturns volunteered. “TaKe oLD tHinGs. maKe BEttER. zOOm!”

I paused to decipher the Mr. Saturn’s speech. I surmised that the Mr. Saturns were experts at reverse-engineering other people’s projects, even finding ways of improving upon them. An invaluable asset.

“I’m happy to hear that,” I said evenly. “Now listen carefully. Here’s what we will have to do. We’re going to make a capsule. A capsule large enough to hold a person – err, mantis. Now, this capsule has some very special requirements. For one, it has to keep its owner safe. Once they go inside, they have to be protected from the outside world.”

“LiKe DRaWeR!” one of the Mr. Saturns interrupted happily. “Put tHinG InsIdE. gO tO oUT. RainStoRm. Go BacK. tHinG DrY! aM HaPPy. sMiLe sMiLe.”

“Well… that’s half-right, I suppose. A drawer does keep everything inside of it safe to some extent. But this capsule has to keep its user absolutely safe from _everything_. Once they’re inside they can’t come back out, I’m afraid.”

The Mr. Saturns paused, reflecting on this. Finally one of them asked timidly, “LiKe… caGe?”

The uneasy feeling returned…

“In what way?” I said slowly.

“wHeN wE aRe CatChed, gO iN CagE. nO to oUt. sCaRy. nO Kay-O.” The Mr. Saturn trembled in fear.

It was a possibility I had not considered. But the more I thought of it, the more it made sense. A cage was usually designed to keep something from getting _out_, to protect people from whatever was inside. But a cage could also keep people from getting _in_.

That was what had been bothering me, I realized. Porky had never said anything about a way to _exit_ the capsule. Perhaps that was exactly what he wanted. Or perhaps it was just a small detail that had slipped his mind.

It was two sides of the same coin. The capsule would serve as both protection and prison.

I took a deep breath.

“Yes… exactly like a cage.”

*

The progress we made over the next few days was, frankly, astounding. One by one we overcame the impossibilities. By the third day we had smelted a material that was, as far as we could test, indestructible. By the fifth day the Mr. Saturns had devised a system so that the capsule could continuously recycle its own energy, theoretically powering itself until the end of the universe.

In spite of myself, I enjoyed the work. It was a reunion of sorts, an echo of the days spent working on the Phase Distorter. All that was missing was that brilliant young man in the apple hat. For a moment I wished he could be here – along with my son. But it was a selfish wish. They would only serve as two more victims ensnared in the spider’s web. I could only hope the two boys were safe back in their – _my_ own time.

On the seventh day the device was complete. The gleaming metallic surface was flawless, a testament to its “absolute safety”. We had conducted an intensive battery of testing, from hacksaws to flamethrowers - even PSI, with the assistance of the commander. None of the attacks left so much as a scratch. If there was truly such a thing as “absolutely safe”, we had accomplished it.

And all too soon I found myself gracing Porky’s presence, the capsule at my side.

“I see you’ve finally finished my little project,” he drawled. “I’d thank you or something, but I’d hate for the praise to go to your head. Consider your reward the privilege of working for me. Oh, and _not _receiving the punishment I thought up for kicks. *cough cough* Now run along back to your lab like a good little boy.”<strike></strike>

It was my signal to leave before Porky got bored with my presence. Instead I stayed rooted to my spot.

The nagging feeling had not gone away. On the contrary, it was bothering me more than ever. The shreds of a conscience, perhaps?

I cleared my throat. “If I may have a word…”

Porky said nothing. His usual attitude toward subordinates was “speak when spoken to”, but occasionally he indulged his favourite playthings.

I took a deep breath. “Regarding the capsule, you may not want to use it just yet…”

Porky inhaled sharply. His expression was absolutely livid.

“Are you suggesting that my capsule is _faulty_?”

It was the most dangerous accusation Porky could make. In his mind, a broken toy was far worse than no toy at all.

“On the contrary, I assure you there is no fault.” I chose my words carefully. “My assistants and I tested the device extensively. I was simply emphasizing that this is a very, err, final solution.”

“I see.” The words were innocent enough. The tone chilled my blood. “You are accusing the great Master Porky of poor judgement.”

“I most certainly am not. After all, the customer is always right. Especially when the customer is someone wise and foresighted such as yourself, King P.” Not even Porky at his most indulging could possibly fall for such false flattery. Nevertheless, I hoped that sacrificing my pride might amuse Porky enough to forgive my transgression, or at least lessen my punishment.

I forced myself to smile. “Of course, the capsule is yours to use as you see fit. I was merely suggesting you exercise a modicum of caution. But such caution is unwarranted for someone as infallible as the great King P. Consider my warning the inane chatter of a fool.” I bowed my head as low as I dared.

Several agonizing seconds passed. Beads of sweat poured down my face.

“Very true, Doctor.” Sarcasm oozed from Porky’s voice. “I’m so glad you understand. I would hate to lose my most successful employee over something so petty.” He paused again, savoring every moment of my wretched ordeal. “You know, I think you need some time off. All that time spent cooped up in your lab seems to have gone to your head. Why don’t you try somewhere far away, where I don’t have to look at your ugly face. Somewhere like… the Chimera Lab. They would always do with an extra hand, or leg, or severed head. *cough* *cough* *wheeze* I’ll arrange transportation for you. It may be a week, a month, even ten years before I require your services again.”

“But what about my assistants?” I protested.

“Huh? Oh yeah, _those_ things. You’ve become attached to them, have you? I suppose they’re much better than those pathetic cavemen you settled for in your Winters dump. So much more _endearing_.”

Too late I realized my mistake. Everything was a game to Porky, and I had just tossed him a big bargaining chip.

“I think I’ll keep them here, where they’ll be nice and safe. I’m sure I’ll find some use for them. *cough* *cough* *wheeze* *gasp* You are beginning to wear on my patience, Doctor. I suggest you run along, before I decide to send you to the Chimera Lab as a subject instead of a researcher.”

I turned to leave, knowing I had gotten off easy. Both of us knew I was a far too valuable - and entertaining - asset for Porky.

“I do hope you’ll enjoy your visit to the Chimera Lab,” Porky called back. “It’s so easy to lose yourself in your work, forget all your troubles, all your regrets, and everyone you’ve ever loved. Don’t you agree?”

“Yes… Master Porky.”


End file.
